From Rape to Assisted Suicide

This morning I opened up the newspaper and to my surprise…Euthanasia is now administered to sexually abused, chronically ill children around the age of 12, if they feel that they cannot move on with their lives. The article went on to state that many more people are choosing euthanasia as a result of mental illness. As a psychologist, I may be able to shed some light on how to cope and intervene without taking such desperate measures. (Taking my personal history of mistreatment into consideration, I might not be the most objective observer, but at least I speak only the truth.)
If this topic concerns you, I’d like you to know that I understand…I have been where you are. It is easier to be ‘put to sleep’ and simply restart at another time or place, but what lesson are we teaching? What we are basically saying to others and ourselves is “It’s okay that you’re hurt, but since we can’t fix you, how would you like us to assist you in your suicide?” when we should be letting them know that they don’t have to go through this alone…that they don’t have to die, because the world is corrupt and there is little other free support.
Many that fall victim to a sexual predator can’t simply forget or move on, especially children. They no longer view themselves as innocent. Moreover, if the parents push their own responsibility for the abuse onto their child, this can develop into severe identity problems. After less than a year, their view of the world becomes distorted. They begin to feel guilty and undeserving. Many stop speaking, eating and socialising. Every breath they take becomes a reminder of how responsible they were for what happened… The pain, they feel, doesn’t vanish. It festers…but many never say a word for one reason: The majority get hurt for being hurt.
This can occur in countless ways, but most commonly, victims of sexual assault express how these experiences continue to harm them internally, which leads to one of several negative reactions: (a) apathy/cold indifference, (b) dismissal, (c) misplaced rage, (d) misplaced sadness
Many of the people I’ve worked with struggled to make their voices heard initially. When they discuss what they how they feel during recovery, close relatives tended to drift off topic. One minute they’re crying their eyes out about how Uncle Joe bent them over the table, nearly tearing them a new asshole, while the relative that they’re confiding in is too occupied, thinking about how Uncle Joe still owes them a tenner. In my early student years, I despised conducting family therapy for that reason, simply because sometimes there is no happy ending. Some people will never love their children or family members the way they would like them to. With or without the application of force, they probably never will, but telling a survivor that is painful. It pries into a primal fear of abandonment that we all share. No child should be expected to deal with abuse and then neglect, it sets very bad standards and lowers expectations in others from the outset.
None of the responses listed above are rational or even helpful but that has never stopped people. However, before we judge, it’s vital to understand that they don’t know how to cope with the situation. If forced to confront the reality of the situation, they’d shut down, cry hysterically or experience a depressive episode. It should be noted that approx. half have traumatic experiences of their own that they keep bottled up that need to processed first before they can support loved one’s through such tough times.
On a related note, we can all be rather self-centred without meaning to be, when someone we care about shares something to deeply personal. However, when we don’t take them seriously, it can have grave consequences. Particularly, when the tables turn. Many abused children drift apart from friends or relatives that are then later abused…and the first person they call is someone they know who experienced similar. Although what these friends often do not take into consideration is that no half-hearted apology makes up for something like that. In frequency, these friendships were imbalanced from the start. One cared more about the other and less about themselves. Then, the assault occurred and they no longer care about their own life, let alone the problems of the former prom-queen, social butterfly or alpha female of the group.

Post-Traumatic Stress: Dependent on when, where and how an assault takes place is important when it comes down to moving forward. Many survivors struggle to return to their old life. In cases, in which a boyfriend is a part of the equation, recovery can become complicated. Whereas some men are more supportive than others, the subject of sexual intercourse is bound to cause tension, unless there is ample space for open dialogue.

Identifying Stressors & Flashbacks: After a traumatic event, latent impressions of the experience inadvertently imprinted themselves on the mind. Survivors can develop aversions to the opposite or same sex, tools used during the assault, specific locations etc. For example, if an individual was tied and gagged during repeated assaults, they can easily be spooked by S&M. Conversely, some survivors unconsciously relive the experience by engaging in self-destructive behaviour, which can become heavily sexualised.
Although typical responses are sadness, rage, panic or other forms of extreme emotion, when coming into contact with a stressor or object/subject that triggers a flashback. From personal experience, I’ve found that resistance is futile. The more we resist the memory or image, the more it rages underneath the surface. Therefore, it is highly important to be patient and don’t be too hard on yourself. Reminders will crop up, but they don’t have to rule your life. One day, you’ll be able to look at something that would usually remind you of the worst times in your life and it’ll no longer be the root of your stress or the first thing you are reminded of.
Confront your stressor, but don’t go overboard. If it scares you, approach it slowly. If it angers you, charge at it with all your might. If it upsets you, let it out through a good cry, but never bury it. Burying a stressor is dangerous! The more you aim to ignore it, the more ferociously it’ll come through. If it sets your teeth on edge, there’s a reason. Learning that reason will benefit your personal growth and make your more resilient.

Stressors can awaken memories of a time, when we felt powerless, violated and/or deeply injured. In combination with flashbacks, they give the impression that the event is still ongoing. In a split second, a survivor can feel as if they are right back where it all started…As if no time passed. The lines between the past and present can become blurred, particularly if the abuse remains ongoing or happened not too long ago. In other words, living in present time becomes a challenge, when we are locked in a mental prison of our past. Every deeply traumatic experience forces us to re-learn how to live. That means learning how to accept what happened and moving forward.
Survivors Guilt: Thousands of men, women and children throughout the ages have experienced the most horrific forms of sexual abuse. Some of which survive, when those close to them did not. Driven by the experience, some strive to make their lives mean something. With every nightmare, failure and accomplishment, the guilt compounds, until it literally becomes the prime motivator behind their actions. In their eyes, the amount of suffering they feel was created by them, through whatever they did. In rare cases, it can manifest through the very fact that they survived, whereas others did not. More importantly, it is something that they cannot forgive, overcome or let go without assistance…Without some form of acknowledgement that it is okay, others simply need to hear that there is nothing wrong with them. They did what they needed to do to survive and they are still loved regardless. In cases with a high suicide risk, associated with survivors guilt, it can be very helpful to give them to opportunity to express themselves without being judged or criticised. In therapy, I use the method of creating a safe space for them to share their thoughts or unburden their darkest secrets. This can be easily done with friends or relatives at home. In some extreme cases, survivors just need to hear that they are forgiven to forgive themselves, which is more effective when it is conveyed by people that knew them before the event.

Relationships: As a survivor, the world no longer looks the same, nor do we connect to it in the same way. Opening ourselves to others can become difficult for the lack of empathy or shared experience. To the average man, women can be instantly downgraded to just another ‘rape-case’ or ‘woe-woman story’. So many women avoid sharing as to not make themselves look like a victim. This makes genuine relationships difficult and fosters commitment issues.
Many women choose not to share their past experiences with prospective or actual partners. Although this may seem like a justified defensive measure, how close can we truly be to someone, when we shut a part of ourselves off? If they cannot accept that part of ourselves, how can they accept us for who we truly are? My personal advice is for survivors to take a chance. If we never openly discuss what happened, how are we meant to find closure? How are we supposed to be expected to live with what happened, when we can’t acknowledge it to those we love?

Refugee Crisis in Britain

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Since the moment humanity first looked up into the sky, dreaming of the return of the ancient Gods that once guided our spiritual evolution…We have grown fond our own religious freedom or lack thereof. It has become our right, as men, women and children, to worship however and whoever we choose as long as we do not inflict harm or aim to forcibly convert anyone.
In December 2015, the South East of Britain (along with countless other regions of Europe) began to feel the increased displacement of refugees from the Middle East. Although the euro-tunnel was guarded from both sides, lorries as well as ferries were searched, the influx of illegal refugees continued to grow and still is.

Around the the same time, a few blocks away from my street…Women were being held captive. Despite the fact that a substantial number of them had entered the UK legally, 99.9% of them were prohibited from learning the English language by their fathers, uncles, brothers or husbands, while being forced to fulfil their duties in a foreign country, gearing up for civil war.

One Saturday evening, I was heading to the nearest local store for some milk, as I heard loud voices echoing from a distance. Instead of making myself scarce, like I probably should have, my curiosity drove me to investigate what’s going on. It appeared that the man was speaking to his wife in his native tongue, as he held her by her upper arm with what seemed quite some force. Observing from afar, as he dragged her down the road. She did not struggle or make a sound.
Due to a change in Jobcentre regulations, asylum seekers were urged to learn the language or fail to qualify for Jobseeker’s Allowance or other social benefits. However, just because they have been taught when to speak and what to say, does not mean they actually understand what they are saying. The majority of the female asylum seekers in the United Kingdom to repeat a handful of words with very little accent, but push comes to shove…They have no idea what just came out of their mouth. When I put this little theory to a test (with the help of some dear friends of mine), I could have asked them anything, as long as it semi sounds like an average, innocent question that they are asked on a regular basis.
It has to be stressed that the majority of Islamic women are unaware that they have rights in the West. Particularly in the United Kingdom. Most of them are frightened beyond the point of trusting anyone. Furthermore, the enforcement of Sharia law on British soil means that if they were to leave their Muslim husbands, they are beaten, stoned or otherwise executed for their resistance or disobedience to Islam as a religious state. It is of no consequence that they are do not execute them in Britain. They are sentenced here, ultimately we are condoning their death. That is worse than returning capital punishment for serial murders or peadophiles.
Truth be told, many women all around the world need our help…However, to get involved means to become a target yourself. In countries, such as Britain, that means to break Sharia law to prohibit the continuance of oppression, brutality and sexual assault against women of any race, creed or religion. That being said, abuse and violence are not gender neutral. Sexual assault is an act of power and dominance that affects men, women and children alike.
Statistically, it is significant that since the refugee crisis targeted mass assaults have taken place across Europe. However, one of the largest attacks occurred in Russia. 51 assailants barged into a night club and initiated a mass sexual assaults that ended with 17 of them in hospital.
In Germany, a 13 year old was abducted and raped by multiple attackers for 30 hours, before being apprehended.
Fact is that bad things will always happen, but they’d happen less, if good people chose to risk their life and intervene. However, even that can go horribly wrong. As Henry Theaureau once stated “Do not simply be good…Be good for something.”, because what’s the point of being good, if we don’t do the best we can, when tragedy strikes. However, as long as we value our own lives more than those of others, we will never find peace. There is a vast difference between self-defence and unreasonable force. Not many have the courage or training to protect their attacker by holding them in a restraint…And when outnumbered ten to one, who would not feel desperate enough to make a move that might be lethal for the person on the other end.

The remainder of illegal immigrants, mainly single men, that have managed to smuggle themselves over the border travel the country along the train-tracks of lorries… Some even fashioned shelters out of sight, living almost entirely off the grid. As the railway is outside the jurisdiction of British Law Enforcement, it has its own private security personnel. Unsurprisingly, they emerge at social and unsocial hours to mingle with the locals. Whereas some have rather unsavoury motives, a small amount of refugees generally mean no harm or offence to anyone…They are intelligent enough to keep to themselves without drawing unnecessary attention in fear of deportation or religious persecution.
Amongst other things, swimming pools, clubs and other recreational facilities across England as well as Europe, have had to restrict their access to refugees. Hartsdown, for example, remained an active hunting-ground for several months, resulting in the sexual harassment and attempted assault of countless British women. On February, events escalated and an assault occurred across the street from my own home in the late afternoon around 15:30. Witness statements document that he approached her attempted to speak to her, but as soon as she told him to f*** off, he covered her mouth. Less than one minute later, over 10 people from the town centre came charging at him. Needless to say, they left him alive, but they weren’t intending to hand him over to the authorities. Although the temperatures dropped below freezing and the streets were almost deserted, the average British citizen saved the day by preventing a possible sexual assault or worse.
After speaking to several women that wished to stay anonymous, I discovered that quite a fair amount of violence has gone unreported. Similar incidences have occurred intermittently since December. None of them had used weapons or excessive force against the attackers. As long as no one is injured or harmed in the process, we all deserve to defend our life. When we are stripped of that most basic human right…All bets are off. Some may conform and let themselves become a victim by circumstance, but as a gentle warning, that has greater psychological repercussions than using reasonable force to restrain. Although thou shalt not murder…Nobody ever said anything about kneecapping, throat-punches or eye-scratching as a last resort, which was fairly common at the time of the Bible with less effective medical treatment options.
Ground-Rules: Don’t attempt to reason with your attacker. Don’t scream for help, unless you know for certain there are people nearby that will come to your assistance. More importantly, don’t ever step backwards! In combat, similar to war, you can only move forward. Moving backwards risks falling or other injuries, whereas the closer you get to your attacker the less likely they are able to strike with precision or strength. Also, if they wanna take you anywhere, even its just further down a dark alley…You’re better of fighting for your survival than to be escorted somewhere and done away with quietly after being gang-raped for several hours.

From professional experience, I can honestly tell you that the first few times in life-threatening situations, every survival instinct in your body contorts. No matter how much pain they may inflict, particularly if fear creeps in and paralyses you…You may be hesitant to defend yourself, but there is no shame in taking a stand. Women are not to be used or abused, we must hold our heads high and carry on with grace. For the sake of our offsprings and their future generations, we cannot let hatred or prejudice infect our society. No matter the colour, race or religion of the attacker, their actions are immoral and unjust and they cannot evade the consequences of their actions. None of us can.
In a compromised world, where justice is a hit or miss operation rather than a learning process…Free speech and the right to defend ourselves is the only means we have to prevent further corruption and injustice. Once we may no longer protect our lives and are actively targeted for speaking the truth, societal unrest and vigilante justice are only a matter of time. It is the last shred of freedom that we have left.

As the current social, economic and political tension is running high, as border control is tightened. The armed response against refugees attempting to cross the border illegally will continue to rack up the casualty count. Conversely, the islamic financial takeover of Britain is proceeding with little resistance. Residential areas across the United Kingdom are purchased building by building and converted. More and more time passes, as entire streets are becoming inaccessible for health and safety reasons. The homeless people in the South East of Kent have been displaced from their regular hideouts by illegal refugees. In more extreme cases, they engaged in fights over territory and some ended up in hospital. Amongst other things, the old post-office in Margate was broken into by several refugees. 250 illegal refugees were detained in one single area in Thanet are a thorough.

On a separate note, the media silence broke earlier this week, as partial information of several homicides was released. For many years, there have been approx. 1-2 murders in London, they are more often than not gang and organised crime-related offences. In Birmingham, the average homicide rate is 2.5 bodies a week. This week, on the other hand, London, Birmingham and Kent’s casualty list climbed beyond single digits.
Since the refugee crisis has tightened, events has escalated, yet are kept behind closed doors. Tensions are rising across Europe, not merely the United Kingdom. As the refugee numbers increase and the majority of males fail to integrate, civil disputes are becoming inevitable. Once racial or religious bias becomes a factor, it is only a matter of time before large numbers of people are injured, murdered or incarcerated. As this has led to the talk of an invasion as World War 3 with Islam, the heads of the Protestant, Roman-Catholic and Church of England’s have decided to let bygones be bygones… The increase of Muslims created unease, however, this is justified. As a woman, I would despise being stripped of my most basic rights.
From a historical perspective, the West has become “fairly tolerant” when it comes down to religious diversity and freedom of speech. Islam is obsessively focused on minority rights. Yet, in any country, where Islam has become a part of the majority…there are no minority rights. Conclusively, it is of great importance that we do not force our religions on them and that we do not allow them to force their religion upon us. We may be able to convince them to lead a live of non-violence in the West, otherwise a vicious cycle of deportation and a second or third attempts to return to England (which has actually happened) will occur on a more frequent basis. However, the global situation is expected to escalate during spring and summer.