There are many things in this world that we simply take for granted. When you can hardly afford food, then heating is not on top of the list during winter…Regardless how cold it may get. When I first began to compose my Masters dissertation, I barely made it through Christmas. Working was hardly an option after losing three jobs over not having hot water. At the time, a friend sat me down and gave me a talk about “self-respect”. With food and heating, he was only one of many to look down on me for not having the basic essentials. The cold had hardened me to the degree where I couldn’t have cared less about what we was saying. For him, fuel poverty was me punishing myself. He still does not realise fuel poverty has nothing to do with self-harming. Trust me, there are more effective ways, but it’s not like anyone actually cares about the reality of the poor. As a palliative care professional, I’ve seen many homes that were too expensive for the elderly to even contemplate heating. They couldn’t get out of bed to make a cup of tea, and countless carers just get orders to talk it through with them. Not help them. Not relocate them. Just have a talk about how they plan to change their situation… That disgusts me as much as it did then. Mainly, because they had no support or other options than to prepare for the inevitable. Their position was reduced to that of our ancestors, whom we abandoned when they were unable to withstand the extreme temperatures or could no longer continue with the nomadic lifestyle of the tribe. It was an honour for them to be left behind, sacrificing their lives so that their offsprings had a better chance at survival. Nowadays, it is no longer optional. We expect them to take one for the team, even if that means dying alone. Regardless of how old they are, they do not stand a chance in a time, when young people suffer the same ordeal.
The colder it gets, the more people feel a sense of peace and tranquility. Many don’t know that it is simply their bodies sharing information with the brain in a way that prepares them for whatever may come. Winter after winter, I tried to work from within the system to help, but then tragedy struck me. In many ways, it was poetic justice for my inability to do anything that would save lives. During the coldest of nights, when the temperatures dropped to -15C and I was struggling with extreme hypothermia, the thought that the end was nigh crept up at me. Believe it or not, I didn’t care. The cold does that… When all the heat was gone, as my head began to feel as light as cottonwool, I felt at peace. I wasn’t even 25 years old, but I had made my choice to study, when no one believed that I could, even if it would kill me. At least, I would die the way that I lived…without regrets for learnt lessons.
Before I lost consciousness that night, I prayed and then there was just a huge cut to black. I awoke in hospital, they couldn’t keep me for longer than a couple hours after I’d warmed up a little. So, they sent me on my merry way. After dragging myself back across town, whatever heat I had gained was fading fast. My stomach was empty and the only thing keeping me conscious was searing pain. A part of me knew that if the pain faded, I may lose consciousness and not wake up again.
By the time I actually turned 25, I had almost died three times. Once by knife. The second time, I almost drowned. And the third, through freezing. Near-death experiences at that point seemed more painful than actual death. Each time I was on the brink, someone would bring me back…and I was stuck to do it all over again. After all, I’m still very grateful for the help I received, but I just wanted it to be over. There was no improvement or compassion. The homeless and the poor rarely receive that. The higher echelons of society just view them as wastes of space, no matter how much they have contributed or how much they could still contribute given half a chance.
This winter is supposed to be much worse than the last three winters combined. With every winter, it becomes harder as much as my body acclimatises. The temperatures dropped close to zero before the end of October. Without being too melodramatic, every winter has become a chance for rebirth, for each winter could be my last. That’s the reality of fuel poverty… It is life or death for millions.
Despite all of this, I still work for people that the system has equally abandoned without payment for my services. There are days, even weeks, when simply walking or moving becomes excruciating, but except painkillers there’s nothing anyone can do. I’m no saint, nor am I a martyr, but for what it’s worth, I prefer to feel the pain, instead of taking the risk to spend my last moments dosed up, not knowing where up or down is… In the cold, a conscious death is not easy, but it is surprisingly peaceful. Like when you fall asleep in the snow, there comes a point, when you don’t feel your body anymore…you don’t want to think or move. Aacceptance is all there is. So, if you’re in a similar situation, don’t be afraid. Whatever happens, it is not the end for either of us.
This is probably the last thing that I’ll post for quite a while. I’m not writing this to scare anyone, I simply wish that when you read these paragraphs, it will inspire you to take a moment out of your busy schedule and celebrate your life. Many don’t get that opportunity before the ground shatters underneath their feet, so seize the present moment… All that we have can disappear in the blink of an eye without ever getting it back.
I hope you have a blissful winter. May the Great Spirit watch over you and keep you safe from harm.
All my love…
We often perceive death as the opposite of an explainable mystery. Death is not a cool puzzle designed to be solved, as long as it is depict as eternal nothingness. We only fade into nothingness, when our mind is empty, when our conscious, our unconscious and our collective consciousness has merged…when there are no more desires to be fulfilled as they have all been extinguished.
Energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transformed. Nothing truly dies…We always come back, and as soon as we realise this, we can choose to remember. Death is the process of consciousness transmigration that occurs when self-realisation has not yet occurred. In truth, we live, we die and we come back to repeat the cycle. Those that remember consciously display signs of what clinical psychologists refer to as delusions of grandeur…However, in the higher echelons of society, it is a well-established fact, which is carefully concealed from those that don’t know what they’re meant to be looking for.
Appearances are deceiving…We do not exist in a singular, solid form. In truth, we are formless. Our consciousness, which is the spirit of all existent and non-existent things, is Light. It is the light that shines across the whole of space-time from prior to the multiverse itself.
Light is Love. Light is Peace. Light is Knowledge…
And last but not least, Light is Existence.
Truth be told, we are at war. The hoardes of men that travel across the seven seas are strategically distributing themselves across the world… They do not seek multicultural diversity or refuge, they wish to establish their own ideology without the freedom of choice. Liberty is being engulfed by darkness, but light will always shine through. Who we are to them is irrelevant. Who we are to our leaders is irrelevant. Who we are and how we are perceived is but a passing phase. Our identity doesn’t change, simply because it is demanded of us. Our immortal soul is who we are on the surface of the cosmos, but who we truly are underneath is beyond description or even the concept of immortality. It is prior to the determining factors of our self-consciousness or individuality…
“Mathematically, the probability of consciousness ending is zero.” (Lipton, Bruce) Consciousness is the basis of existence. Furthermore, there is a reason it is often perceived to be without beginning or end. For the purpose of explaining something that is beyond thought and language, that which existed prior to space-time is often playfully described as nothingness or a void of cosmic oneness. However, it is not for those that have experienced anything close to such an indescribable concept…It is pure being. The essence of which pervades all.
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In modern times, we have an inaccurate understanding of just about everything…community, family, education, religion and so forth. We also no longer understand the teachings of the ancient Gods. Although many that have taken the time to read, translate and/or re-interpret old scripture will realise that this paves the way to ‘natural destruction’, there is always another path…
“You are not your body.”
What all the corporations around the globe focus on is how to manipulate your body-image…How to best play on your attachments and aversions. If there’s an inch of your body that you’re self-conscious about, they won’t teach you how to overcome it, since it would make them powerless against you.
Like any narcissistic psychopath, they bet on the fact that you’ll run scared into their arms, if they manipulate all your resources to create disease and eliminate all the competition. However, that which they cannot control is that which they have invested trillions into suppressing…and that’s your way out of this endless loop.
Their weakness is the same thing with which they are attempting to retain control: Ignorance, Blind Faith & Unquestioning Submission. For as long as you do not question the world around you, none of us can reshape this world into something greater. More importantly, none of us will ever find the whole truth.
To those with money, your body is an accessory that you’ll spend an infinite amount of finances to maintain, if you had the resources, but even if you don’t…The charities that you donate to funnel all the money, they receive, as far away from solving global problems as possible. In other words, you are being conned, ladies and gentlemen…and you have been for over a century.
The longest running con is religion, followed by money. If you believe in God, Allah or Abraham in Heaven, then you most likely never read the old texts too closely. The Gods we worship live in the Heavens, just not the ethereal plane that we visit before reincarnation/rebirth. In truth, they are as Alien to this planet now as we are, although they created it, but that’s beside the point…
My point is that we continue to proganitate an inaccurate perception of the body, which is becoming more unrealistic with every generation. In truth, that body is only a fragment of the cosmic body of consciousness that doesn’t actually exist in the manner that we currently perceive it. Existential debates aside, every cell in the body is inherently connected to an all-pervading awareness that goes deeper than the phenomenal world. It is noumenal in essence.
Noumenon: According to Shamanic, Indian and Kant’s philosophy, the term ‘noumenon’ refers to a thing as it is in itself, not perceived or interpreted, incapable of being known, but only inferred from the nature of experience.
This is not to say that you cannot know your body, but by knowing the true source of your body, you needn’t know any more… In fact, there’s nothing to know about something that never was, but the ego can easily get in the way of understanding this reality of the self. Your individual self is no different from the universal self, and until you realise this, you will continue to differentiate between your body and the cosmos. In terms of self-awareness, this dooms you to seemingly endless suffering that no one but you can alleviate.
“You are not your mind.”
When I first turned 18, I was given the most valuable lesson in my entire life: Whatever you think you know is wrong. Everything you have been taught is a lie. So, question everything from every angle, even if you’ll never prove a damned thing!
Approx. 95% of all conditions are psychosomatic… The rest are debatably environmental. The reason I insist that their origin is debatable is the same reason that hinders us from adapting more efficiently to man-made environmental changes. At a certain stage of consciousness development, an environment such as ours no longer has an effect on the body-mind complex… Full consciousness realisation overcomes all things, even death. (Yeah, I’m a mind over matter crackpot lol) That being said, I’d never ask you to believe anyone’s word without proof, so please I welcome you to embark on your own journey to higher knowledge…and don’t stop until you can conclusively prove otherwise with physical evidence! (Good Luck)
Our comprehension of sanity, or even mental health, is insanity in disguise. In any other location of the universe, we could not survive or assimilate with this current mentality… (This is one of the reasons we are forbidden from colonising space, also why only very few of us reincarnate on other planets, but that’s a story for another time) By creating layers upon layers of false information, enlightenment appears almost impossible. Yet, it is not self-realisation that has become more difficult, it is the survival of the physical body throughout the journey. The people of India understand that a sattvic diet (strictly vegetarian or vegan) is not challenging for those with money and self-control, but it is costly and harmful for those that live in poverty. Many starve themselves in order not to harm any living being. However, in so doing, they are harming themselves… Hundreds of thousands suffer from the effects of malnutrition and subsequently disease, which represents an one of countless obstacles to enlightenment.
One-pointedness is the single, underlying principle that can become an antidote for any obstacle. With one-pointedness of mind, no obstacle can hinder or distract the mind. Truth be told, if an object or individual cannot distract you, they’re less likely to interfere, yet that does not mean they won’t hinder you. If you cannot be distracted from self-realisation, you’ll often develop blank-spots. Old teachings describe this behaviour as a manifestion of ignorance as well as unconsciousness, but basically they’re saying you have an aversion and/or attachment that you need to confront. For example, many spiritual teachers speak of Islam as a peaceful religion, when the empirical evidence of their imperial conquests (repeatedly documented throughout recorded history) prove otherwise. The foundation of Islam and the path to Allah can function as a gate to self-realisation, but only if you get passed all the religion. It is the same with almost every mainstream faith, while it preys on the vulnerable in search of deeper meaning.
There can be no love or peace without truth. So, where there is a shostage of honesty, ignorance, apathy and lack of understanding prevails. Moreover, political correctness has karmic repercussions. It perpetuates an inner conflict between your conscious and unconscious mind. Your collective unconscious knows the truth. Yet, for as long as you deny it, you’ll never go beyond the surface. An enlightened or a true leader would never utter words that would endanger what they perceive as a part of themselves, they would strive to show them the reality prior to (the multi-verse).
For right-wing readers, you are at one with your enemy. Whatever beliefs you may hold, everything is interconnected. Every event. All that was, is and will be. Every object and person. EVERYTHING that you can conceive with your minds. Prior to all this molecular interconnectedness, all is one. So, beyond all misconceptions, frustration and tension, you are free. Always have been. Always will be. Only through this knowledge can one do battle properly.
For left-wing readers, save your breach. I am indifferent to them. All you are doing is disturbing your inner peace and disrupting your path to self-awareness by perpetuating the suffering of others. Go do something productive like save Corbyn from self-destruction. Until that point, every moment that you continue to deny the rape culture, which has festered for decades right on your doorstep, will lead others to feel more apathy to your suffering than you can imagine. You are proactively going out of your way to injure victims of violent crime, so just stop. For the love of all that is decent, please just fucking stop…
“You’re not your emotions.”
I probably have caused some offence by now…So, I’m wholeheartedly apologetic, if I’m the first to be telling you all this. It should have been taught as a part of theoretical philosophy in primary school, but unfortunately we stopped educating future generations to do more than follow without question. (Pokemon Go, anyone?) For what it’s worth, if you reflect on what exactly rawed you up, it won’t be so easy next time. A lesson most are forced to learn the hard way.
If we are not our emotions, what are they? In quantum physics, emotions represent a subtle energies that are often transferred. When we’re angry, we project negative energy onto others that surpresses our and their immune system. When we’re friendly or kind, we project positive energy that strengthens our immune system and that of our conversational partner. When we’re indifferent, we don’t exchange more energy than necessary from a very minimalistic point of view. In other words, through hate, we relinquish power, strength and health. Through unconditional love/truth, we regain power, health and vitality.
Your emotions are far more powerful than you are led to believe. Many interpret and react to the daily reality of the world according to how it makes them feel, not through cold-hearted reason that defies the modern societal standards of logic. That which many don’t realise is inner, emotional freedom is a key to all forms of freedom. Once you no longer desire (or desire to avoid) anything, you realise the freedom, which is the real you. A freedom that can never be truly forgotten, seized or controlled.
The war to win over our thoughts, minds, bodies and even our souls has been ongoing for countless decades…and it won’t end anytime soon. However, the reactions to what we say, what we post and what we believe are far more revealing than our stance towards any given issue. Religion is not excluded from this. Although religion is a constant source of conflict, it is not religion that is the issue. It is our attitude towards it. Religion is freedom, which means that we must all find our own path to enlightenment and live with the moral consequences of our choices.
However, there far are more important issues at hand than a global crisis of faith… As our nations are arming up for war, unequal resource distribution is still running rampant. The little resources that we have are provided to economic migrants, while our own citizens are subject to poverty, starvation, sexual exploitation and exposure to the elements.
Any decent counsellor, therapist or doctor will confirm that silence is deadly, especially where hate crimes are concerned. Many homosexuals, transgenders, feminists and African-Americans can attest to the fact that they were punished violently for their life choices. Back then, most looked the other way. Now, these abhorrent hate-crimes have returned to our streets. Ironically, they highlight exactly what happens when a non-believer enters a Muslim country. The punishments sanctioned by law favours the dominant religion, as ours did for countless centuries. We are not accepting their religious laws, as our own, they are forcing them onto us, which is a crime against religious freedom.
No matter how many religious and/or spiritual practitioners adhere to peace, as long as they remain silent, the height of their numbers (and therefore influence) is irrelevant. They are complicit in crimes against humanity, dare I say, war-crimes (genocide) at the highest levels. If they were truly peaceful practitioners of Islam, as they claim, they would die beside us. They would throw themselves in front of extremists, as any good Christian, Buddhist or Hindu should, defending against an impending terror attack. In other words, the strong protect the weak, otherwise what is the use of their strength? They obviously are not strong enough to maintain their own integrity, if their superiority-complex prevents them from doing the right thing.
We don’t need money, power or influence to stand up for our families, our communities and our way of life. All we need is a little courage with a plan of action. The instant that we allow ourselves to be trapped in this web of political correctness, we are sacrificing the truth for the sake of getting along with an oppressive ideology, reinforced by law enforcement officials that once had our complete trust.
For what it’s worth, countless women are being raped daily all over Europe, which means that over half will experience at least one or two more sexual assaults throughout their lifetimes, if not slavery. Their fathers, brothers and husbands may have been offended a few hundred years ago, nowadays many of my clients report that the men in their lives are almost immune to this method of warfare. Their egos are not as easily damaged by such a violent crime, but they are easily led to expect women to ‘get over it’ in a period of 3-6 months, otherwise they often meet their needs elsewhere…and the common populous wonders why humanity is facing several extinction level events.
What May The Future Hold
In this world, anything is possible. Anyone can get away with anything at the right time under the right circumstances… There is only one slight problem with that. Diversity is paving the way to the enslavement of woman. We are expected to show respect and restrain ourselves toward an entirely different culture, when it is almost impossible to be repaid in kind at the best of times (by any culture). So, with every passing day, the nail of political correctness is hammered into the coffin of our Western civilisation….
Contrary to popular belief, Imams across the globe take orders from the same people that control our leaders from behind the scenes. Yet, neither one of us pays this the attention it deserves. Complaining, rape and retaliation are easier methods than to confront that everything we have been told is a lie. Lies that can inadvertently lead us to the truth about all things, whether you believe it or not.
…Truth be told, if Islam continues on its path of world domination, they will drive humanity into extinction. Every race (i.e. white, black, Asian, Arab, Feline, K9 etc.) will experience a significant reduction in numbers. This concerns humans, animals and plants alike, until there’ll be nothing left.
…Truth be told, if mankind continues on its path of planetary exploitation, whatever is above ground will be driven into extinction. Followed by one mass animal extinction after the other, the environment will have irreversibly changed. The plants and animals that survive will be as toxic to us as the atmosphere, the seas and the oceans, until the planet is no longer habitable by our standards.
…Truth be told, if Islam and the Sixth Mass extinction continue on their path unhindered. Chances are worlds will collide with high casualty rates. It is expected that less than a hundred million (if that) would survive above ground.
Liberty Died With Thunderous Applause
Many of the people that I’m in contact with have woken up to the police at their door, others had their articles pulled… The West is evidently no longer a safe place to express our opinion, unless we are prepared to possibly meet a bloody end by doing so. The choice is ours, but we can be guaranteed that our government or law enforcement will continue to support peadophilia, sexual and religious violence. The worst thing is that with every victim that is silenced, we are creating members of society that will not blink an eye, if violent crimes are committed. No one cared when it happened to them, so why should they care, if it happens to anybody else? However, what they’re actually dealing with is feelings of shame, guilt and emotional pain that are fuelling their own self-loathing, which is then projected onto others that have experienced the same. For most unsupported victims, that is normal. Being abandoned has become normal. For an even smaller amount, giving up on life is easier than living with the daily reminders of the incident.
For the most part, sexually abused women loose the ability to trust, when their support networks vanish into thin air. Dependent on the circumstances, in which the assault took place, many women become numb on the inside. They seek to move on, but they can’t feel anything anymore…and no one cares. There is no magic pill or quick solution, only self-realisation can lead to the cessation of suffering for them now.
As the globe keeps turning, their trauma is forgotten by those around them for its disenfranchised nature. I’ve shed too many tears over the travesty of this, but sadly wet eyes don’t change a thing. Only hard work with persistence has the potential to change how much we suffer. Even then, months after an attack, people simply disconnect, because ‘you’re still on about the same thing’. They lack the understanding that sexual violence leaves deep scars that affect personality development, self-image and capacity for empathy. Later on in life, it even has an impact on child-rearing. In reality, women that condone such events won’t lift a hand when it happens to their offsprings, as the social system in Great Britain and Europe taught me repeatedly. Many relatives would rather shift blame or stay away than to assist in the healing process. However, this is only partly their responsibility. Our society does not teach our offsprings how to effectively cope with trauma, which leaves the majority of us vulnerable to a myriad ways of suffering.
What To Do
Every man, woman and child in every country is affected by the current religious struggle for power. Yet, religious leaders are only too aware that the status of their religion is dependent upon the numbers as well as the dedication of their followers. Whatever opposes them can easily be overcome by increasing the former. Here’s what’s inevitably going to happen:
– Islam will aim to establish itself as the majority in France, Germany, Austria, Sweden, Finland, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom.
– Any country, in which they successfully establish themselves will serve as their primary base of invasion for neighbouring countries, such as Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Denmark, Hungary and the entire Mediterranean.
– Islam is currently fully surrounding Europe by attempting to seize the whole of Africa.
– By October 2016, the events in Europe will escalate concordant to pre-arranged election dates. The probability that conflicts will escalate in several countries simultaneously is higher than another wave of attacks across European nations.
– Many believe there’ll be a war by December 2016…That Christmas will be celebrated on the run or in hiding. The decorations, if there will be any, will incite fear of attack and religious hatred. However, there is also a great deal of hope that they won’t choose the coldest months of the years to kickstart a war.
The only way to stop a malignant narcissist with sadistic tendencies is to deprive them of that which they desire. Never to yield. Never to surrender…and never to relinquish your personal power. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions, unless forced into the position. They will resort to all kinds of manipulation, such as shifting blame, shaming and complete denial. Their ego will not allow them to realise their mistakes or feel the horror behind what they’ve done, otherwise who they are would be shattered.
Sharia law has become the enablers code for peadophilies and sexual offenders across the world. It allows men to shame women and humiliate them at every step, even beat them publicly whenever they deem just. This elicits submission to prevent further punishment, as a rather dark by-product of the instinct for self-preservation. In addition, women that speak against Islam are being labelled as Islamophobic, as if our right to free speech is disregarded, when it comes down to an oppressive religious regime that does not recognise women as human.
A narcissist does not see a difference between you and them. For them, you are an extension of them. You serve their needs and they don’t have to serve yours, because their needs are more important. Their mere presence should be enough to entice you into bending over backwards. A malignant narcissist is not so different, but they are far more likely to harm and even destroy the object of their affections. If they cannot have it, no one will. On mass, this is a recipe for disaster, hence the female population in the Middle-East reaches a desperate low-point every few decades, and they are forced to ‘branch out’. When coupled with sadistic tendencies, female genocide becomes routine, simply to maintain control… Islam does not seek support from the West, they seek its submission to their religion. For women and children, that means we will be vulnerable every day until something changes or we will be forced to live by their views. Sadists seek to turn those around them into sadomasochists… In sexual relationships, this entails a form of continuous torment that the mind cannot protect against, if unprepared. Women are often not taught how to protect against pregnancy or induce a miscarriage without self-harming. So, they become breeding-machines in captivity that gradually dwindle into suicidal ideation. (Fasting or a hunger-strike often induces a miscarriage, which should be mentioned is prohibited in Islam during pregnancy, but only if maintained with great self-control.)
For a narcissist, pregnancy is a symbol of ownership. It reinforces their control over the mind, body and spirit of their victim. Worse, in Islam, they often prey on the sentimentality of women by counting on the fact that they will develop an emotional attachment to become slaves to their male offsprings. Should the head of the house pass away, ownership falls to the oldest, closest male of the family, leaving their women no chance of escape from tyranny.
Tips & Tricks
– Don’t confront a narcissist. Wait until they confront you. Then resist and stand your ground, while exerting an air of confidence.
– When a religious narcissist has their eyes set on attaining a specific goal, they will twist scripture to suit their needs. The easiest tactic against this is to reference their scriptures by the letter and be prepared to prove it. (More often than not, things will get violent long before you have the chance to pull out a book)
– When they profess love and peace but never show it, confront them with verifiable, undeniable facts of religious abuse and/or genocide.
– They’ll talk, but hardly listen, which makes them prone to speak over and interrupt people that do not agree with their viewpoint. If they cut you off every time that you open your mouth, speak in keywords. (Pick the most hard-hitting, relevant word in your response and guaranteed that it’ll elicit a reaction immediately)
What is religion, but an idea? A concept that has cosmic transformative potential… However, any idea can be turned in on itself to become the very thing that it stands against. When we speak of religion, we do not speak of our way of being. We mean how devoted we are to an imaginary deity in the sky that we would either run from screaming or pay hard cash to abduct us. In other words, we neglect the very foundation of religion that consists of ideas, which are much bigger than any organised religious system. Continue reading
This morning I opened up the newspaper and to my surprise…Euthanasia is now administered to sexually abused, chronically ill children around the age of 12, if they feel that they cannot move on with their lives. The article went on to state that many more people are choosing euthanasia as a result of mental illness. As a psychologist, I may be able to shed some light on how to cope and intervene without taking such desperate measures. (Taking my personal history of mistreatment into consideration, I might not be the most objective observer, but at least I speak only the truth.)
If this topic concerns you, I’d like you to know that I understand…I have been where you are. It is easier to be ‘put to sleep’ and simply restart at another time or place, but what lesson are we teaching? What we are basically saying to others and ourselves is “It’s okay that you’re hurt, but since we can’t fix you, how would you like us to assist you in your suicide?” when we should be letting them know that they don’t have to go through this alone…that they don’t have to die, because the world is corrupt and there is little other free support.
Many that fall victim to a sexual predator can’t simply forget or move on, especially children. They no longer view themselves as innocent. Moreover, if the parents push their own responsibility for the abuse onto their child, this can develop into severe identity problems. After less than a year, their view of the world becomes distorted. They begin to feel guilty and undeserving. Many stop speaking, eating and socialising. Every breath they take becomes a reminder of how responsible they were for what happened… The pain, they feel, doesn’t vanish. It festers…but many never say a word for one reason: The majority get hurt for being hurt.
This can occur in countless ways, but most commonly, victims of sexual assault express how these experiences continue to harm them internally, which leads to one of several negative reactions: (a) apathy/cold indifference, (b) dismissal, (c) misplaced rage, (d) misplaced sadness
Many of the people I’ve worked with struggled to make their voices heard initially. When they discuss what they how they feel during recovery, close relatives tended to drift off topic. One minute they’re crying their eyes out about how Uncle Joe bent them over the table, nearly tearing them a new asshole, while the relative that they’re confiding in is too occupied, thinking about how Uncle Joe still owes them a tenner. In my early student years, I despised conducting family therapy for that reason, simply because sometimes there is no happy ending. Some people will never love their children or family members the way they would like them to. With or without the application of force, they probably never will, but telling a survivor that is painful. It pries into a primal fear of abandonment that we all share. No child should be expected to deal with abuse and then neglect, it sets very bad standards and lowers expectations in others from the outset.
None of the responses listed above are rational or even helpful but that has never stopped people. However, before we judge, it’s vital to understand that they don’t know how to cope with the situation. If forced to confront the reality of the situation, they’d shut down, cry hysterically or experience a depressive episode. It should be noted that approx. half have traumatic experiences of their own that they keep bottled up that need to processed first before they can support loved one’s through such tough times.
On a related note, we can all be rather self-centred without meaning to be, when someone we care about shares something to deeply personal. However, when we don’t take them seriously, it can have grave consequences. Particularly, when the tables turn. Many abused children drift apart from friends or relatives that are then later abused…and the first person they call is someone they know who experienced similar. Although what these friends often do not take into consideration is that no half-hearted apology makes up for something like that. In frequency, these friendships were imbalanced from the start. One cared more about the other and less about themselves. Then, the assault occurred and they no longer care about their own life, let alone the problems of the former prom-queen, social butterfly or alpha female of the group.
Post-Traumatic Stress: Dependent on when, where and how an assault takes place is important when it comes down to moving forward. Many survivors struggle to return to their old life. In cases, in which a boyfriend is a part of the equation, recovery can become complicated. Whereas some men are more supportive than others, the subject of sexual intercourse is bound to cause tension, unless there is ample space for open dialogue.
Identifying Stressors & Flashbacks: After a traumatic event, latent impressions of the experience inadvertently imprinted themselves on the mind. Survivors can develop aversions to the opposite or same sex, tools used during the assault, specific locations etc. For example, if an individual was tied and gagged during repeated assaults, they can easily be spooked by S&M. Conversely, some survivors unconsciously relive the experience by engaging in self-destructive behaviour, which can become heavily sexualised.
Although typical responses are sadness, rage, panic or other forms of extreme emotion, when coming into contact with a stressor or object/subject that triggers a flashback. From personal experience, I’ve found that resistance is futile. The more we resist the memory or image, the more it rages underneath the surface. Therefore, it is highly important to be patient and don’t be too hard on yourself. Reminders will crop up, but they don’t have to rule your life. One day, you’ll be able to look at something that would usually remind you of the worst times in your life and it’ll no longer be the root of your stress or the first thing you are reminded of.
Confront your stressor, but don’t go overboard. If it scares you, approach it slowly. If it angers you, charge at it with all your might. If it upsets you, let it out through a good cry, but never bury it. Burying a stressor is dangerous! The more you aim to ignore it, the more ferociously it’ll come through. If it sets your teeth on edge, there’s a reason. Learning that reason will benefit your personal growth and make your more resilient.
Stressors can awaken memories of a time, when we felt powerless, violated and/or deeply injured. In combination with flashbacks, they give the impression that the event is still ongoing. In a split second, a survivor can feel as if they are right back where it all started…As if no time passed. The lines between the past and present can become blurred, particularly if the abuse remains ongoing or happened not too long ago. In other words, living in present time becomes a challenge, when we are locked in a mental prison of our past. Every deeply traumatic experience forces us to re-learn how to live. That means learning how to accept what happened and moving forward.
Survivors Guilt: Thousands of men, women and children throughout the ages have experienced the most horrific forms of sexual abuse. Some of which survive, when those close to them did not. Driven by the experience, some strive to make their lives mean something. With every nightmare, failure and accomplishment, the guilt compounds, until it literally becomes the prime motivator behind their actions. In their eyes, the amount of suffering they feel was created by them, through whatever they did. In rare cases, it can manifest through the very fact that they survived, whereas others did not. More importantly, it is something that they cannot forgive, overcome or let go without assistance…Without some form of acknowledgement that it is okay, others simply need to hear that there is nothing wrong with them. They did what they needed to do to survive and they are still loved regardless. In cases with a high suicide risk, associated with survivors guilt, it can be very helpful to give them to opportunity to express themselves without being judged or criticised. In therapy, I use the method of creating a safe space for them to share their thoughts or unburden their darkest secrets. This can be easily done with friends or relatives at home. In some extreme cases, survivors just need to hear that they are forgiven to forgive themselves, which is more effective when it is conveyed by people that knew them before the event.
Relationships: As a survivor, the world no longer looks the same, nor do we connect to it in the same way. Opening ourselves to others can become difficult for the lack of empathy or shared experience. To the average man, women can be instantly downgraded to just another ‘rape-case’ or ‘woe-woman story’. So many women avoid sharing as to not make themselves look like a victim. This makes genuine relationships difficult and fosters commitment issues.
Many women choose not to share their past experiences with prospective or actual partners. Although this may seem like a justified defensive measure, how close can we truly be to someone, when we shut a part of ourselves off? If they cannot accept that part of ourselves, how can they accept us for who we truly are? My personal advice is for survivors to take a chance. If we never openly discuss what happened, how are we meant to find closure? How are we supposed to be expected to live with what happened, when we can’t acknowledge it to those we love?
Darwin once stated, it is not the strongest that are most likely to survive, but those most adaptable to change. Height elicits expectation, yet it does not determine personality or social standing. Despite what many men and women believe, being restricted by one’s height or weight presents a valuable challenge that would not exist, if modern society was more accepting of its innate diversity. From a historical perspective, this is far from new behaviour. However, there are countless erroneous presumptions associated with height that limit our understanding of how heightism originally came to be.
One of the earliest, common references is that of the “Napoleon Complex”, which denotes an inferiority complex or deep-rooted hang-up with one’s own height. However, the original purpose of this term is rarely analysed, nor it is considered that history is typically written by the victor. Smear campaigns were nothing new. Since we have learnt to paint on cave-walls, we have used visual and/or linguistic mediums to convey useful and impractically vain information. To twist and turn information, regardless of its accuracy stretches back to the beginning of ancient warfare. This leads us to a simple fact: Napoleon Bon Apart (5.6ft / 1.68m) was taller than Horatio Nelson (5.4ft / 1.64m). One would think that such a basic fact could easily be discerned by the masses, however, Nelson was accustomed to taking measures against “looking short”. That being said, when the height difference is below 2 inches or five centimetres, it is fairly easy to play with appearances, but whereas many people nowadays can purchase flats from nearby stores, Nelson had to devise his own methods of altering his appearance.
Nelson understood that height is as physical as it is psychological. Anyone can seem tall, while they truly aren’t. If you are bold enough, you can make anyone believe anything, but let’s not throw all caution to the wind just yet. There are physiological limits without bone-shattering application traditional Chinese surgery. Limitations that cannot be applied to the art of propaganda. He may not have been taller than his opponent, although you wouldn’t know with how much effort he invested in being referred to as the taller out of the two.
To show the extent of how successful his propaganda campaigns actually were…in honour of Nelson’s victory, the column built in Trafalgar Square was designed to be the tallest landmark in all of London. Some historians suggest that it was Nelson’s explicit wish for the highest monument to be dedicated to him, so he could oversee the entirety of the metropolis of London at the time.
As we are judged by our appearance, prior to our actions…Before we even open up our mouth, it is only logical to give yourself the best chances. In the old days, it was easier to make yourself appear taller, smarter and more capable. Nowadays, it has become much harder for anyone to pretend to be something they are not, but it is never impossible. Not for anyone…However, it appears to be easier for taller men to deceive women than their shorter counterpart. Again, not impossible. The truth is that under the right circumstances, people will turn a blind eye to almost anything, if they are otherwise occupied…They will disregard height differences, personal disagreements and even the most heart-wrenching betrayals, when the appeal to their self-interest is sufficient. Although the interests of one or more people may be temporarily aligned, that does not guarantee any form of loyalty or respect once they are not. In fact, short men and women live longer, when they’re weary of the company they keep. It is one thing to be useful, but to be repeatedly used as a stepping stone is a fate no one should settle for, regardless of their stature.
Height & Intelligence
History is full of examples, where height serves as an indicator of high intelligence or brute force. Whereas some geniuses are born, most forms of intelligence are cultivated and developed over time. In other words, every human being has the potential to enhance their natural abilities or fight against them. Whereas many living beings are driven by instinct, we have the free will to choose. In this, we are given a distinct advantage. Through conscious choice, one can overcome the height-based bias that runs riot in the world. However, we can only free ourselves, we cannot force others into the position to acknowledge the existence or negative impact of heightism.
Being short is not a handy-cap. It does not determine EQ, IQ or intelligence of thought. Here, one has to to bear in mind that the most intelligent of people were never revered throughout history, they were shunned, exiled and often murdered in the most heinous manner. However, where the general cultivation of intelligence is concerned, Jung’s theory on personality development indicates that if you are not athletically- or strength-orientated as a short person, your talent most likely lies elsewhere. Further research into the hidden talents of the “vertically challenged” shows that many excel at communication. Whereas some had to become quick witted by being subjected to abuse, others were born with the gift of the gab. It gives them an irresistible charm that makes them much more successful in the dating game. For those that are still mastering that knack for words, the trick is to say less than necessary.
Needless to mention, there are many different types of intelligence. Although we continue to quantify new forms, quantum physics suggests the avenues of intelligence are infinite. If we can conceive being a genius in a subject in our minds, it is fairly possible to cultivate the knowledge necessary to succeed. That being said, if you weren’t born swimming against the tide, I wouldn’t recommend to start now. Nurture your natural abilities, but keep an open mind. After all, you wouldn’t expect Bach, Tesla or Einstein to abandon their respective fields, for what was expected of them. Truth is not a phenomena of mass-appeal, neither is free will. The most intelligent, remarkable and revered characters throughout history were not recognised for their achievement. They did not need to be. They did what felt right for them, regardless of what society thought of them. That being said, appearance and social standing can easily override intelligence, but it depends very much on the circumstances. In such an occasion, the personality of a person often defines their instinctual reaction. (It should be noted that psychopaths are predominantly prone to react in specific ways, whereas sociopaths often lack a reaction, unless attempting to elicit a specific response.)
As stated before, there is such a thing as too intelligent. However, there are two distinct types of “high intelligence.” As paradoxical as it may seem, the first type of supremely intelligent people, capable of outsmarting the world’s finest, frequently feign ignorance to fit in. Conversely, the second type often lack the social intelligence to not outshine their master (at every turn), unless the right circumstances are in their favour.
For many, high intelligence is frightening. Combined with the lack of height, it is like drawing a bullseye on one’s back. Even if you give someone the right answer or advice, if it’s not you they wanna hear it from, then the entire endeavour is flawed from the outset. At times, we fail to realise just how intelligent those around us are, if our ego prevents us from seeing them for what they are truly capable of.
Tall or not, nothing is as it seems. We can never know anyone by their appearance or glimpses of their personality. Even the type or level intelligence only serves us to a limits degree. Truth is only time reveals the reality of a person and/or situation. Hitler considered to the Jews to be of lower intelligence. Before then, men thought of women as less intelligent. And the time before that, it was African Americans. For someone to be superior, some has to be viewed as inferior. The more superior someone is, the more inferior another becomes. In a way, it is the cycle and sway of power. Without a smidgen of humility or compassion toward their opponent, people rise to inconceivable heights. However, they must invariably fall from their high horse in this life or the next. Regardless of how sly or intelligent, no one can escape the moral consequences of their behaviour toward themselves or others. So, think twice before acting out revenge or ill-will…Think twice before judging yourself based on appearance or intelligence. Beauty and intelligence are both in the eye of the beholder. They are malleable, superficial properties that are easily altered, as is what we gain from them. However, the challenge in problem-solving is to realise that we cannot change certain aspects of ourselves, we can only overcome them by denying them the power to act upon us. If we doomed to be short, the most intelligent coping strategy is to make the best of it. Ironically, this is also one of the most effective ways to annoy and irritate those that gain a level of satisfaction from demeaning others. The lack of a reaction/response or even a simple agreement can startle the most determined bully long enough to diffuse tension, but it can also have the exact opposite effect.
Height & Mental Illness
Many short men are either depict as the arrogant smartass, the sly mediator and the cold-blooded sociopath or psychopath. However, how closely related are height and mental well-being? Although it shouldn’t have such detrimental effects, any form of discrimination takes its toll. As height and well-being are indirectly connected through the self-image that is established through childhood and adulthood. Height can never be a definite indicator of sanity and it is ludicrous that some humour this notion. From a professional standpoint, height affects many facets of life, from dating to work opportunities to socialising, which in turn affects mental and emotional health.
Truth be told, just by being short or fat, the chance of getting employed or earning more is significantly lower. After all, it could be argued that any profession that is restricted by height requirements only perpetuates a narrow-minded, inaccurate view of how height determines available career-choices and progression. However, no argument or clever statement can change the reality of the situation.
Although height discrimination has reached the realms of undeniability, that does not stop people from trying. Hell, I would depressed if interview after interview employers would take one look at me and my CV, make some excuse and hired someone half my age with less qualifications but taller. Equal employment opportunities means that it shouldn’t matter if I’m a 4ft grey alien from Alpha Centauri, every living being should have the same opportunity to prove their skills and put food on the table. To be expected to be mentally stable in such conditions is like fighting an endless tide of unrealistic expectations. It should be noted that those who demand often are not expected to deliver, if put in the same position. On a separate note, I’ve noticed short men that have risen above the negative restrictions and implications of heightism rarely associate with other short men, unless carefully selected. They wish to distance themselves as far as they can from being a target, or being associated with anything that threatens the position they have fought to gain. Those that have made it are not all cut-throat, but the majority have had to learn to function in a world of predators. As a consequence, the prey grows far beyond its former predator(s). Whereas some develop anti-social qualities to survive among psychopaths, others choose to steer their moral compass in the opposite direction. They cultivate an air of non-attachment that almost gives them a monk-like presence. They are at peace with who they are. They do not feel the urge to seek justice or vengeance…They only act when acted upon. And I have the deepest empathy for those that have fallen victim to such a powerful force. Few that I know of make it out alive with their ego intact. Some are so emasculated that it stays with them for the rest of their lives (which is most likely equivalent to what they have done to others for being short, fat or otherwise impaired in their opinion).
The Short Sociopath VS The Tall Psychopath
So far in my career, I’ve encountered short and tall sociopaths. However, I’ve always found that my colleagues would find it easier to cope with the 6ft6in than the 5ft4in service user. While episodes of violence were more common for the taller clientele, short men were far more contained but infinitely more vicious when violent. Despite the inherent danger, I’ve always been more comfortable around short sociopaths in comparison to tall psychopaths or sociopaths. Although not all short sociopaths I’ve met socially or professionally have been high functioning, the majority were highly intelligent in their own way. One that society may not be ready to acknowledge just yet, since it has no need to. As stated before, once there is a need, most will say or do anything to fill it…But what happens afterwards entirely depends on the person and circumstance.
The term psychopath and sociopath are often used to describe the worst fears anyone can have about someone we are associated with. Their true nature is thought to be egocentric, merciless and incapable of remorse. The stuff of your worst nightmares… But contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to look far to find a full-blooded psychopath or sociopath. Just switch on your TV. Whereas psychopaths thrive on attention, sociopaths often keep to the shadows. Nonetheless, both can also create shadows from which to operate. Most of us won’t have to look beyond our community to find a borderline psychopath or sociopath. The difference is tall people remain undetected far more often, unless their actions have been witnessed on a large scale. One that is not or cannot be denied.
To explain, the difference between psychopathy and sociopathy on a fundamental level is on a genetic level. Whereas both can have their hereditary roots, emotional processing is affected differently. Psychopaths, although they may not be able to feel, are often driven by an emotional need. Sociopaths are not. However, both disassociate from their emotions to variant degrees. Both are capable of vicious fits of rage, although they are often underplayed when the individual is short.
The most important difference I’ve found in dating a psychopath and a higher functioning sociopath is the need to prey on emotions. Psychopaths appear to have an inherent need to manipulate and deceive that makes them overconfident. The paranoid tendencies of a short sociopath is the textbook example that counters such the deep-rooted emotional need of the stereotypically tall and good looking psychopath.
Height does not differentiate. Since height discrimination has become an everyday occurrence, whether you’re a psychopath, sociopath or just anti-social makes no difference. If you’re short as a male, you’re doomed to be an outsider, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. From personal experience, short-statured people like myself either make an invested effort to follow trends or they create their own. As a psychologist, it is my firm opinion that trend-setters are always outsiders. Whether short or tall, they have the confidence to walk their own path.
However, for sociopaths, the end justifies the means. If that means their imprisonment, torture or death, then so be it. Psychopaths, due to their inherent emotional needs, have an in-build weakness, whereas once the mask of a sociopath drops…There is nothing. A vast, infinite void of emotion that drives shivers down your spine. Beyond false anger, there is dead calm silence.
In simple terms, the circuits in the cortex do not connect and/or process emotions properly…like two wires that don’t fully connect. Since they don’t, there is an accumulation of energy, leading to large bursts of emotion, when the buildup is so substantial that the connection is forced.
It is difficult for anyone to let someone close to us see us in our worst light. For sociopaths and psychopaths, the light is merely more revealing than most people can handle. Not all of us were born or conditioned to be a certain way, but none of us deserve the rejected for that fact.
Predators have their uses in any society. Historically, their talents were put to good use in the military. The more psychotic, psychopathic or sociopathic the opponent, the more insane was the person that actually defeated them. In wartimes, you wouldn’t care about the short guy wielding a battle ax like a mad man, unless he is coming toward you. The military has always been in high demand of controllable soldiers that will follow any command to the death, not uncontrollable cannon balls that wreck their projections. Psychopaths gain their power from knowing their place and when to rise above it…Sociopaths will do so regardless, if they wish to.
Being short makes that endeavour slightly more complex, as there is more to conceal and distract from. Playing with appearances is more complicated, as making oneself taller isn’t an option. Surrounding oneself by tall, but genuine, supporters is a frequently used technique. However, the tall selfless wingman that’ll deliver women on a plate is a sheer fantasy, unless they are blackmailed into doing so or persuaded by someone with a higher level power compared to them. I’ve found that when it comes to territory, many men do not remove women from the equation. That being said, women are no longer subject to arranged marriages or career-restraints, but we are just as vulnerable to social engineering. Particularly, in the case of male heightism.
When we become chronically dissatisfied with ourselves, it becomes hard to hide. People sense, feel and see that one person, which drags the group down. On the other hand, every group also has its leader: the alpha male or female. Whereas tall psychopaths or sociopaths often have the opportunity to cosy up to them by replacing the beta…Their short counterpart often has to strike with fierce momentum to displace or even scatter the group (with less beneficial results). In conclusion, height doesn’t affect the severity of a condition, but at times it forces men in the position to overcompensate merely to be noticed. Unfortunately, by the time they are noticed, their reactions have often been torn so far out of proportion that they distract from the issue at hand.
Any man is liable to err, only a fool persists in error.
– Marcus Cicero
The refugee crisis of 2015 (that is still waiting to reach its peak) has highlighted the Western resource and wealth inequality to the extent, where people are no longer able to deny its effects. The most common stressor that disturbs the balance of any relationship is money problems. It is one thing to be unable to afford going out on Friday night, it is quite another to scavenge for food. Women and men alike have their breaking point. However, it appears that over the previous years, men have been more greatly affected by the recessions than women. Once survival is threatened, all bets are off. The balance of power in the relationship is altered beyond the point of return.
One does not have to be mentally or emotionally unstable to break it off, when one’s partner is unable to provide. In many Western cultures, this behaviour is even encouraged. In fact, one would have to be either so mentally stable/unstable that it borders on sociopathic tendencies to stay. However, it also results in countless broken homes and single parents fending by themselves. Although everyone should have to prerogative to act as they choose, it is hard times that determine the strength of a relationship. If we all were to stray at the first sight of trouble, mankind would have never made it to present day. Nonetheless, many blood-lines most likely only survived, because they did whatever was necessary to ensure the continued existence of themselves and therefore their genetic lineage. One may argue that the current disposable nature of society has driven its inhabitants to view their relationships as equally disposable. While divorce sky-rockets, few strive to patch things up, regardless of what mistakes were made. The problems have begun to extend beyond the relationship and can rarely be reconciled, merely overcome.
For example, adultery has less of an impact on the outcome of relationships than money concerns. Whereas many can forgive the occasional slip-up, constant financial worries are overcome far less often. From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that long-term relationships are hard work, but they are also very rewarding, if you are with the right person. After two years, the relationship is still relatively fresh, however, many couples decide to tie the knot after approximately a year (dependent on age). In other words, the length of a relationship only partly affects the impact of financial woes. When women are put in the position of fuel poverty, starvation or homelessness, the majority will seek a more suitable mate that can meet their base requirements. However, the minority are either so in love that it does not matter or they are invested in the relationship for different reasons. Although it is often assumed that sex is a primary reason for this, I’ve always found it insufficient and unrealistic. Sexual pleasure can cloud the mind so far, before other needs become more pressing. Besides, homeless couples rarely have the opportunity to be intimate. Their bond is one much deeper. Theirs is one that goes beyond the material. In fact, research suggests couples that endure traumatic experiences or persistent hardship are more likely to stay together. In a way, the trust that is forged between couples when surviving life-threatening circumstances is profound and far less often betrayed. Couples describe a sense of knowing their partner at their best and at their worst. However, they also emphasise the uncertainty of entering a new relationship with a new partner that may not cope as effectively. One particular couple that I was acquainted with suffered great ordeals, only for the husband to pass on from a fatal head-wound two months after they had finally resettled. The wife found herself at the beginning of a complicated, long-winded grieving process, in which she closed herself off from the world. The one thing we had in common at the time was the fact that she could not imagine a relationship with any other type of man. When she began dating after a year of therapy, she asked me to call her an hour in to provide her with an emergency exit strategy. Despite the fact, she was comfortable socialising, she was bored out of her mind, listening to his macho tales. All she could hear was incessant jabbering about the newest gadgets, newest fashion and the woe-is-me tales of ex girlfriends that were probably drawn way out of proportion. As was evident, they were rather ill-matched. For most women, a financially stable man is irresistibly attractive, but wealth can disappear in an instant. Bankruptcy, financial hardship or other unfortunate experiences affect the way a minority of women operate. Particularly, when it comes down to selecting a mate.
Few men and women cope well during financial turmoil, which is understandable, since it is a matter of working progress. In Apocalypse & the Middle-Classes, I explained that different social classes cope differently when disaster strikes. The lead-up to mass extinction is grinding society to a halt, in some of the most inhumane ways to keep itself going for as long as possible. Without adequate food production and distribution to all of the planet, over a quarter of the species already live in poverty without proper nutrition. Adding the refugee crisis to the equation only shows how thin we are stretching ourselves with highly destructive tools to feed, clothe and shelter all. Once more, it highlights inadequate wealth and resource production, distribution and renewal. The resources we take, we do not replenish. The manner through which we produce these resources is not merely flawed but environmentally hazardous. Without addressing the root cause of our problems, we are and/or will be forced to resort to extreme measures to survive. In sum, our way of living inevitably affects our reproductive behaviour. For some women that means trading up, for others that means turning tricks, but for a small minority it means to reflect on the bigger picture. Each of those three coping mechanisms have their roots in fallen civilisations. Although prostitution is thought of as the oldest of all professions, it is generally discouraged and disapproved of in modern society, even in the most dire circumstances. Therefore, it is a road less travelled. Looking for another mate is considered the more logical option. But when everyone is just as worse off, who are you going to choose? Mass extinction invariably impedes on the logic of reproduction, in times where the survival of the species is threatened. This could result in reproductive behaviour reverting back to a time when the sacrifice of one’s own life for the life of the infant was a common occurrence. In other words, we may revert back to a time when we would had to selflessly play against the odds of our long-term survival for the sake of short-term happiness. The brutal truth is that few would willingly choose that end, if push comes to shove. Conversely, there are always be those that will.
“Some people view love and romance as a sacred bond between two individuals. Other people see love as a game, where the goal is to manipulate another individual and gain emotional power over a partner.”
In conclusion, it is often argued that women are driven to go where the food is on an evolutionary basis, unless conditioned behaviour or other events supersede the most basic survival mechanisms. This is particularly the case in societies where farming is not an option or prohibited by law. It is inferred that this is what makes us more likely to cheat, but only a small minority of women have it so bad that it justifies adultery, as they could technically decide to leave at anytime. Commitment issues are only a small part of why relationships fail. Uncertainty, misrepresentation, distrust or outright deceit are all the more manifest in presence of commitment and abandonment issues. On a separate note, a former client of mine always used to say “Women are like money’s. They won’t let go of the old branch until they’ve got a new one.” Despite his troubled past with women, he has a point. Ironically, his statement is true for a large percentage of men and women. Research suggests men and women are more prone to jumping from one relationship into another when the partner is far from what they’re looking for and a more suitable mate presents itself. However, it begs the question whether emotional attachment serves as an indicator of balance in the relationship. As an unhealthy degree of emotional attachment can develop in any relationship, it is often useful to take time and reflect…To continuously invest effort and resources into the relationship as a sign of commitment, if it is one-sided can hamper marital bliss and equality. However, some are not capable of reciprocity, even if the issue is addressed repeatedly. Particularly, where money is tight and emotions run too high for personal comfort. In that case, one has to either accept that they may not change or walk away.