What’s happens when you trust someone completely…when we begin to believe that one person wouldn’t let us down as long as it was within their power to prevent it…Yet, we can never truly know anyone in this life, even ourselves, so how can we trust?
In simple terms, we cannot without the kind of nasty surprises, which topple our whole world. Although they aren’t always unfortunate reminders we should never trust a living soul, they are quite often… Hence, when we find ourselves in a position of great risk, we must decide wisely. What we know of whomever, we are willing to risk a lot for, is a fragment of who they truly are inside. They are just letting us see what they want us to. So, when the mask slips, then we are privy to a mere glimpse of what they have to hide…In truth, most of us would run for the hills, if we ever saw anyone for who they are. We are no longer conditioned to strive for meaningful connections…
These days, things capable withstanding the test of time have become all too rare. We can now only find true loyalty in the darkest of places. Even then it is few and far between. It has become easier to engage with others under the guide of actual trust than to rob them in the broad daylight (of straightforward honesty), so to speak.
Nowadays, what used to strengthen our relationships is the very thing that tears them apart. We have become so accustomed to ‘being’ the way other people expect, to ‘saying’ what they want to hear and ‘thinking’ how we should in their eyes… Few say what they think. Fewer do the right thing, when everybody claims it is wrong…In the process, we have lost who we are deep inside for the pretence of being a part of something that doesn’t exist as we imagine it.
Times have changed. On a global scale, our ability to forge committed relationship depends on our capacity to listen, empathise and respond appropriately with genuine involvement in other person’s life. We must be committed to the fulfillment of their highest potential with similar or greater intensity….But let’s be honest, this is hard work that requires us to act as selflessly as possible at every opportunity.
While we still build different types of relationships for the wrong reasons, their foundations are no longer as solid as they are supposed to be. We cannot depend on others as we used to, but then we cannot leave our doors unlocked anymore either. What once was a communal setting, designed to foster qualities to aid our lifelong development, is treated as an hostile environment now…and occasionally for sane reasons. For example, London residents in many low income areas, rife with gang activity and religious extremism, risk becoming a victim of violence, each time they leave their flats. Who should they depend on? Their mayor, who believes it is all part and parcel of living in the city. They are more likely to be saved by the benevolence of a passing stranger than by an overworked, underpaid police force…or those in their charge of their budgeting… Perhaps Bruce Lee can depend on his skills to get out of a life-threatening situation with multiple attackers, but the average person can’t…So, our dependence on one another in such situations seems perfectly logical, even when help often can’t arrive in time.
However, life & death situations are the most notable example of how nobody can survive alone. Sooner or later, we must depend on somebody or something…but those are extreme circumstances that only compare to how much we depend on others to a limited extent. For instance, the people we can rely on during difficult times will most likely also be a pillar of support for us after a traumatic event. Extremes merely bring out dependency issues that already influence our daily living. They amplify needs, which are already present, in a way they might represent a burden to others over time. Although the average recovery period after a traumatic event can be from 3-6 months to 1-3 years, the majority of modern society has little tolerance for this… For instance, if someone already has an overbearing personality, any event making them more dependent is likely to drive people away…and if we can’t depend on anyone, we have a low chance of survival when things get tough. All too often I’ve encountered the kindest individuals, whose only ambition was to be liked at any cost. Some were devoted to altering their behaviour to please those around them, it hurt to watch every attempt thwarted. Others began to relish the dislike for whatever qualities they displayed, as a defence mechanism, so they increased the frequency of said behaviour.
…What Matters Above All Else…
How do we inspire the kind of loyalty seen only on rare occasions? How we persevere, when we cannot even elicit a hint of tolerance? Perhaps, it is not destination that matters but the journey. It takes a great deal of experience to be as genuine as we were as children. When we reach adulthood, we often lose that innate compassion. It is far easier to offer sympathy than actual help…especially when we are in a superior position of any kind and don’t wish to end up the same way. As though, bad luck is contagious, people tend to avoid those who suffer from it, if they are not actively invested in them.
In general, it is healthy for an independent adult to share whatever they wish with another…Socially, even if we come to depend on it over time, however, only when we are able cope with its sudden loss without emotional upheaval. (Perhaps, we should eventually ask ourselves, when did society become so cold.) Still, before we attempt to rack our brains around that chestnust, we must examine our own biases. No matter how much we believe, we can never truly be independent…We shall always need others for caring support to master our lives…So how can we deny this to others when they truly need it?