Then is Now

The corridor appears endless.
The light shines so bright,
It burns her eyes.
The clock is ticking on the wall,
But she can’t hear anything
Just her heart beating in her ears.
How could she end up here again?
What was going through her mind
That she would call on those
Who used to make her life hell?
How could she relinquish control
To such an extent?
….Mad…Hungover…Drunk…
She doesn’t care for her excuses.
…Not any longer…No more…
All she remembers is the rage,
Disguising fear deep inside,
Enough to lash out in a daze…

Two bottles in,
And it wasn’t even sundown yet,
But it was just enough to compel her.
Her brain cant process the fragments,
But she can feel them,
Lingering just below the surface.
A whole load of words
In the worst place
At just the wrong moment.
She doesn’t remember a cut to black,
But she doesn’t recall being conscious.
Just a sharp pain and nothing.
When did she become so weak?
She doesn’t care for their company.
None of them did.
…Man nor woman…
It’s a room of shared desperation,
Soaked in liquor and a fog of smoke,
Bound to result in violence.
The smiles are deceiving,
But they hide a dark need underneath.
Her kinds, theirs…
Sometimes, she wonders,
How either can ever find their way…
How things can permanently change?

The good old days were just the same.
Staring into the mirror,
Seeing only the ugliness of her pain.
It doesn’t look any different.
They always used to say,
She bruises easily,
Guess they were right,
Suppose she still does…
Tired of hiding,
Exhausted from fighting,
When will she feel like herself again,
Like she never thought she would?
Why can’t she keep her mouth shut?
As she looks back,
The bad days may have been easier,
When all she cared for had perished
…Several times over…
And there was no more to lose.
Nothing can cover the damage now,
Not even silence.

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